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When you can’t find the words.

I’m a writer, so expressing my thoughts and feelings should be easy, right?! I mean I write books and through my writing I’m able to convey a characters thoughts and emotions and invoke an answering response in my readers.

I should be able to do this all of the time in my everyday life too, right?

Wrong.

Sometimes I simply don’t know what to say or how to say it. Sometimes what I want to say is not the right thing to say or there are simply no adequate words.

Today I found myself somewhere I really did not want to be. A place I prayed I would not be again. And certainly not a place I wanted to visit a short few weeks after I’d already been there. But we don’t always get what we want. We don’t always have control of what happens in our lives and the lives of the people we care about.

As I stood in the graveyard today, for the second time in 3 weeks, while the tiniest casket I’ve even seen in my life sat on a pedestal a few feet in front of us and the freezing, bone chilling wind whipped around us, and we all grieved together, I looked around and thought… “so this is what that sounds like.”

Have you ever wondered if you can hear a heart breaking?

You can.

You can hear it in a parents pain filled sob as they bury their child. You can hear it in a man of God’s voice as he struggles to continue with his sermon because the complexity of the situation is just so numbing. You can hear it in the utter quiet of the people who are trying so hard to be strong for others that they forget they also need to grieve. You can hear it in the emotion from the person who is saying goodbye to the other piece of their soul as they exit their time on earth. You can hear it in the Dr who says, “I’m sorry, there’s nothing else we can do.” You can hear it in the soldier as he realizes he will live while so many of his friends and comrades will die.

Life is filled with heartache.

It sucks and it hurts and we don’t understand it, but it exists. But where there is heartbreak, there is also hope. The hope comes from the family and friends surrounding you, loving you, offering you comfort. It comes from the memories you made with the people you love no matter if they were with you for minutes, hours, day, years, or a lifetime. Hope comes from the unexpected. Hope is the smile when all you want to do is frown. It’s the ray of sunshine, breaking through the clouds. It’s the green sprig bursting through the ash. Wherever there is darkness, there will always be light.

I can tell you that today is not the way I would have chosen to close out 2013. No one wants to end with sadness, so I choose to remember the joy. Because even with the pain, heartache, and neverending questions as to why, today was also about hope and love. There were smiles and laughter through the tears. There was love in the gathering together of friends and family.

I posted this on my FB page earlier and I’ll repost it here now.

Today is not an easy day. Seems like we were just here a short time ago…
Remember everyone, life is precious.
Life is short.
Love with your whole heart.
Forgive even when it’s hard.
That doesn’t mean you have to forget.
Hug your babies.
Be thankful for that mess they left on your floor.
That mess is all some people long for.
Be positive.
And most importantly, be kind.
Everyone is fighting battles.
Some people just face their demons in private.

What I’ll ask that you take from this is… embrace life. Love the people around you, you have them there for a reason. Do something out of your comfort zone. Take a stand. Believe in something. Take chances.

Live your life.

Always be grateful for what you have. What you have is all someone else wants. Don’t take anything for granted.

2013 has been good to me. I made the choice to reach for my dreams and I achieved them for the most part. Thank you for helping me to do that.

Happy New Year and I wish you all nothing but goodwill and love for 2014.  If you are still dreaming big I pray  your wish comes true and that you always reach for the stars.

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